Being open about how my Neurodivergent brain works

I’m Neurodivergent.  

That is a term you will hear a lot these days in certain circles.  It’s something that I had no idea about really, or worse so, I would poke fun at. 

Turning 39 would be a life altering year for me.  Not because I was close to 40 though, it was more because I would find out about myself and the way I approached life was very different, very frustrating, very raw, and very… me.

39 is when I was diagnosed with ADHD and stepped into a new world.  A world of understanding and a world of being confused by the whole idea of how exactly my brain works. 

I learned what it was like to have a neurodivergent mind. A mind that would be easily distracted, a mind that would go off on tangents nearly constant and instantaneously. Surrounded by static and noise, unable to remember or hear what people are talking to me about. Fighting to get upstream and to get towards a goal that “Neurotypical” people could easily reach.

Do the dishes.

Wash the laundry.

Remember to Take a Shower and Brush your Teeth.

Garbage goes out on tuesdays.

Keys, phone, wallet… keys, phone, wallet.

Why are they so mad at me?

Seemingly simple tasks halted by things like Executive Dysfunction, Emotional dysregulation, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.  These are all terms I learned after my diagnosis.

Life with ADHD wasn’t about, “Being Lazy” or “LOL SQUIRREL”.  It was about navigating these pitfalls that I had no idea about.

But struggled with constantly.

Every.  Single.  Day.

For my entire life.

The worst words a neurodivergent mind can hear

I would always be told that I was so intelligent, but just never applied myself.  Which was worse than my fourth grade teacher calling me stupid.  (Yes that happened, yes I made peace with that and forgave her). 

Being Told that I wasn’t applying myself was so frustrating, because behind the scenes was me, trying extra hard to pay attention, to focus on things that were mundane or uninteresting.  I forced myself to learn as much as I could, developing little tools along the way to help me get there.

I wish I figured some of those tools out in school though and not later in life when I was in the real world.  But, I digress. 

I applied myself so much growing up that I gave myself anxiety, depression, insomnia, and countless self destructive nights of negative self talk. 

I want to be clear, those nights, because of the way neurochemistry is formed, are still loud, clear, and hurt just as much.  But, the tools I’ve formed along the way have helped me navigate them. I think that is one of the harder things in life I’ve dealt with until figuring out and getting on the path of mindfulness and meditation to navigate through and around those thoughts and feelings.  Because, let me tell you, before that, you try to get some sleep when you’re replaying an embarrassing moment you had, over and over, each time feeling the same trauma cycle over and over… 

It would be enough to make you go mad.

And

To be honest, I did.

When I was 38. I was spinning my wheels in the mud, trying a million and one different self help and motivational tools to get me going and dropping the ball after a day or two of trying them.  It would cause me infinite shame and frustration that I just couldn’t do it.

I finally broke down

I couldn’t do it anymore, no matter what I was doing, I was failing and there was no stopping the tidal waves of emotions that kept crushing me.

Thankfully my wife being the incredible support she is, said, “Why not talk to your doctor about this?”

That was the catalyst that got me to a diagnosis eventually. 

However, it was that diagnosis that led me into so many different fields of self help and so many different ideas of how to help get through this.

I, once again, began to try them all and began to cherry pick small things that worked and applied what I had developed over my entire life, to move toward a goal that was, for once, obtainable. I am neurodivergent, so I made tools to help me navigate my neurodivergent mind.

Tools to help someone with my type of mind to form habits, create new patterns, and succeed in life where others without some form of neurodivergency couldn’t.

I helped myself and now I am setting out to help others Navigate Neruodivergency.

I want others with their beautiful minds to thrive, them to create things, I want them to succeed, I want them to have all the opportunities that neurotypical minds have.  

Being of service to other neurodivergent people

So, I did something that a few people with some form of neurodivergent mind have done.  I started writing a book. 

Actually, I started writing a book series.  

Navigating Neurodivergency.

I want to help those out there, no, I WILL help those out there learn how to make habits of seemingly impossible tasks.

Meditation? Journaling? Breathwork? How to use sticky notes? Starting a Business? Becoming a Photographer? Learning a new skill? Having a hyperfixation stay for longer than a couple weeks? Creating dopamine with a list?

I have endless knowledge, insight and tools to help those that walk the same paths I’ve walked.  I may have learned about my diagnosis at 39, and at the time of writing this, I’m 42.  However, in 39 years I learned a lot of tips and tricks, and in the last 3, I have learned how to solidify and hone those tips and tricks into routines and habits that make me a productive and infinitely more involved person. 

The Book

So, this is the big announcement that my first book is not just in the works, it’s nearing completion and will be on its way to an editor’s desk.  It’s not going to be too long, because that is a cruel joke for someone who is inattentive and has to read hundreds and hundreds of pages.  However, it will have a small breadth of knowledge to help navigate daily life and create routines and reinforce routines without giant gimmicky processes and rules.  

I can’t wait to bring this to the world and to continue writing and helping people that struggle like I had, and still do from time to time.  However, I have the tools to combat those struggles now.

Before you go, “Great, another hyperfixation that will be gone in a couple weeks.”

I started writing this book in early January 2023, it’s about to be April 2023.  Creating a habit only takes a little over 60 days on average (don’t let the myth of 21 days screw with your head) and writing isn’t just a habit now, it’s a necessary outlet for me to express and help others.

So, buckle up world, because I am here to help those out there with a Neurodivergent mind to “Navigate Neurodivergency”

https://www.stefanglazer.com/information/being-open-about-how-my-neurodivergent-brain-works/

Is Writing 1,000 Words a Day a Good Goal?

Yes.

That's it, that's the answer to the article title.

I won't make anyone read a wall of text to see my opinion. I don't like when I scroll through drivel and nonsense of stories of when the author was a kid they scribbled in a notebook every day.

I want the answer to the question posed.

Now, if the question was:

Why is writing 1,000 words a day a good goal?

That is entirely different and I want to see why and how it helps. However, I want to get information to the point in a blog. So, let's get the important parts of "WHY" out of the way before I go on a writing tangent.

Progress - in Creativity, Projects, and Visibly shows growth in writing

It's going to honestly and visibly show your writing prowess. If you're writing a book, writing 1,000 words a day will get you a full novel of words in 3 months. If you're writing for blogs, 1,000 words a day is about 20 minutes of writing and you can get away with 500 word blogs, lots of content is awesome for blogs! If you're just wanting to get better at writing, it serves as a vessel to create and take a topic or writing prompt and get you to stretch those legs of whipping up a story or concept.

Habit Forming - Routines and Habits are learned

Even if you don't use your writing for anything other than to journal about your day, it's a habit you will be making and forming. This will let you express yourself. Expression is a very important part of life, even if you never show it or share it, expressive writing will make you feel good.

Emotionally Sustainable and Fulfilling

You get to work out issues in the pages of your writing. You get to express emotion and desires. You get to work out the brain in a way that watching tv or movies doesn't let you do. It will make you feel happy to be able to express and open up completely and vulnerably.

It's a tool, use it

I really can't say enough about this discipline, this habit, of writing 1,000 words a day. The bottom line of the why for me is this.

I know it's a habit to form, but, 1,000 words a day is nothing in the grand scheme of writing.

When I sit down to write more for my books or for my blogs, I know I will sit there for an hour or two writing out and fleshing out ideas. Taking those ideas and learning or researching more about it.

I get to grow these ideas that will help others and create more ideas for more content and book ideas.

I write at least 1,000 words a day, at least 5 days a week. I use that, meditation, and intention setting through journaling to create the life I want to create.

I used it to create habits, to create a better life, and to write a book which I'm wrapping up in the next week before sending off to an editor.

I've used such a simple thing that takes 20 minutes a day on a fast day or an hour a day on a slow day. To get my thoughts on paper or text and get my ideas solidified to build on later.

So, the why for me is simple. I love how it helps me grow as a writer and as a content creator.

And no, this blog post wasn't part of this exercise, this was just me having an idea and running with it. Now, though, I will be off to write the next few parts of my book on Navigating Neurodivergence.

https://www.stefanglazer.com/life/is-writing-1000-words-a-day-a-good-goal/

When being courteous become problematic

Being kind and courteous to one person can change their world.

However, being kind and courteous to one person at the detrimite, inconvenience, or even the hindrance of tens, hundreds, thousands of others, becomes a larger issue.

It ends up not being about helping that person anymore, it becomes a selfish exercise to make yourself feel better.

I want to explore more times people have experienced this, from both sides. Maybe you can admit that you were being selfish, maybe you were shown courtesy, or maybe you truly were helping someone.

I witness it a lot in the world.

A small and insignificant example?

Someone stops traffic flow for hundreds of people enduring the morning rush hour to get to work, slowing the flow of traffic to a standstill, causing upwards of 10 and over minutes of time lost in your commute, because they were being courteous to let someone in from the opposite side of the road. Which caused traffic to stop both ways. When, during the regular flow of traffic and light patterns, there is ample time every 90 seconds for 2 or 3 cars to go through this same exchange. Because that person felt they were being courteous, they have now inconvenienced the entire flow of traffic and its effects are now felt for the next 60 to 90 minutes of traffic flow on that road which can be documented and shown with traffic data on Google Maps.

Being courteous to that one car, caused hundreds of people time, maybe their jobs, maybe money in general. All because they wanted to break through the flow of traffic and stop it for hundreds of people.

So, the counter argument in a hypothetical is, “What if that person they let out went on to work today and cured cancer, because they had an extra 10 minutes?".

The probability is low, but never 0.

The converse is, what if 50 of the over 100 people went on to, release people from jail who were unjustly imprisoned, cure disease, discover a new technology, or solve the energy problems because they had the extra 10 to 45 minutes of time today that they weren’t spent in a car being stuck behind this person.

While the probability is still low, it’s higher than the first scenario, and still never 0.

It's something I want more people to talk about, I want to know where you've seen this happen and where it's been a problem in your life.

https://www.stefanglazer.com/life/when-being-courteous-become-problematic/

Alignable - Networking for introverts

I will always let people know that the best way to grow your business or your brand is to network. Networking is the backbone of any business, from small mom and pop local businesses to larger scale corporate operations. There are always networking events for every level of person out there. Small coffee shop meetings every month or large trade shows every year all are huge networking opportunities for those who need it.

Getting Aligned

Locally, I just started using Alignable to see what was going on with local businesses and meetings to network with. It's pretty straightforward to be honest, it's a social site that is available to just about any small business or freelance person out there, and they can connect with local businesses and other local freelancers to connect, work with, or even work for. While most of the features there are free, there are some paid pieces that boost your visibility or add in some sort of advertisement element.

Your average LinkedIn feed

Before you start complaining that it's another LinkedIn, I want to explain that it's geared toward local and small businesses. While LinkedIn has a lot of small business tools, they are too global. I have tons of people from all over the world on LinkedIn that fill up my feed. They do not help me get local clients, they don't help me grow. They clutter up everything and make me frustrated.

Introversion, not isolation

As an introvert, I love Networking. Yes, I said it, I love it. I love meeting strangers with like minds and businesses, learning about what they do and how they do it. Being an introvert doesn't mean I want to be a hermit. Sure, I could be a hermit and live in a cave with just a connection to the internet and still be ok. However, I also love being with people and learning about them as I had said before.

Being introverted isn't about the isolation, it's about recharging in isolation. Whenever you are out and about, working with people, meeting new people, selling your business or services, it will deplete your energy bar. Whatever you might be feeling going into the situation, if you're introverted, that energy will be depleted. By the end of the event, you will have to get to recharging. Meditation, a nap, or even just spending a day alone will be a necessity.

Me after events, but I'm a male, and I have 2 pugs

It's the opposite for Extroverts. They go into these events either full or empty and will be recharged by the event. They feed off the room and being out and exposed like that.

So, how do you network?

I will break this down very easily. We might be introverts, but even the ones who don't like public engagement can get behind these.

- You're an expert on you and your business. You don't have to think hard or bullshit your way through it, you know you!

- Engage one on one if possible, if not, find small groups of 3 or 4 people and stand in. It's not awkward, you're at a networking event, people are going to talk and want more people to listen (not most of us though). Eventually someone will ask you what you do, it's inevitable. Check back to point 1.

- Don't dive into 8 hour or multi-day networking events to start. Get a feel, find a local event that goes for 2 or 3 hours, and progress from there. I have done a 2 hour event that completely wiped me because I was talking to everyone. I went to a 10 hour event that I spoke to barely anyone because I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people. START SMALL.

That's it. That's all it take. Keep a read on your energy and how you feel. If you start to feel drained or overwhelmed, it's ok to back off! I promise you. You can even leave the event early! Make an excuse of "Hey, I have a meeting I need to get to" or "I have a client call" or "I have to take my dog to the vet". Anything that can get you out smoothly and quickly. Then you can start recharging.

It's not hard, but it seems daunting. So, don't pressure yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Just get out there and go for it!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting I need to get to.

And just like that I'm out of here!
https://www.stefanglazer.com/information/alignable-networking-for-introverts/